when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
