Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
