Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Vodka?
Forever.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
