The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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