you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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