He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
