Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
