Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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