If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
