bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
