2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
