I am puke
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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