just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
