o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
