I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
