Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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