you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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