did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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