Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
