then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
