He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
