Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
