there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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