Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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