what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
