We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
