My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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