Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
