so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
