I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
