Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
