I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
