I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
