i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
