I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
