i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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