OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
