oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We left the knife in your bed.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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