My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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