Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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