When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
