So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I could make wine with my vomit
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
