It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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