I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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