everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
