i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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