I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
