I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
