He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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