I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
