Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
