I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
